Florida Man Discovers Mexican Food Conspiracy
GUB Director Herrell wrote:
August 2, 1999
Now we must fight against a land invasion. Their forces, already inoculated. are everywhere. Heavily armed with conventional weapons, the invaders struck along the coasts and came through Mexico. Our own resistance has had mixed results. Few people are equipped — or even physically able — to fight the invaders. The gang leaders seem to have the best chances.
No phones, no mail. I hear little from the outside world and the agents have increasing difficulty returning. But a message did get through from one of the eight. They are very, very close to a breakthrough.
August 21, 1999
The radiation from the nuclear bombs caused a strange mutation in the bacterium. The new strain affects the aggression-controlling area of the brain, causing extremely violent behavior. People carrying the new strain are called mutants.
Ironically, the invaders’ vaccine is not effective against the mutated bacterium. The invaders now are experiencing the agonies others have felt. They die from the mutated disease; we die from the original disease. Each side needs the other side’s vaccine. The doctors (now called healers) who have the new vaccine cure people, but at a huge price. All men must be cured at the same time or they become reinfected.
I feel disoriented and defeated.
The band of Goons rested for the afternoon at the oil field, and planned out their route. They'd head southwest, into Ohio first. The plan was to drive at night in order to avoid any gang patrols, as they didn't know who controlled this territory yet, and recent casualties had left them in a poorer position to fight.
As the sun set and they prepared to get into their vehicles, however, there was a sudden movement all around them. Shadowy figures approached. They were the the infected, coming in a much larger wave than the Gator Goons had seen so far. A lengthy fight ensued, with many people having to engage in melee combat as the deranged humans rushed at them to rip them apart.
By dawn, it was clear that some of the warriors from the night before had been infected with the mutant strain of the virus. Balthazar ordered them to stop for an hour so he could administer the 'antitoxin' drugs. He told them if they didn't handle it now, they'd be quickly in a situation where they'd end up "exhausting their stash".
They made it to the outskirts of Youngstown after midday. Scouts discovered that the town was likely to be controlled by the Invaders. It was a worrying prospect, since this was farther inland they'd expected to find this enemy. Doubly worrying since the gang was in no shape to deal with a big fight after the losses to the disease.

Rather than push on into Ohio, the Gang made the decision to head a bit southeast, toward Pittsburgh. As they crossed the Allegheny, they spotted at the end of the bridge a checkpoint staffed by men and women in military uniforms. It turned out to be Army and Air National Guard members. While initially formal and brusque, they relaxed a bit when informed that the Gator Goons had scored a victory against the Invaders in Syracuse. The group said that they could remain in the city if they wished, but would face harsh penalties if caught looting.
The soldiers then directed them to "talk to Victor". A man in his fifties with a salt-and-pepper beard came out and told them he'd be happy to help fix up their cars. He hopped on board and directed them across the bridge. They stopped at an old steel foundry. Victor explained that the industry had already been on the decline lately, and when the "world shut down" as he put it, that left a lot of work piled up. There were many spare steel plates that could be used to reinforce all of the Gator Goons' vehicles.
They traveled on to a few more auto shops, where modifications were made to improve the performance of all the vehicles. Victor said they'd do it not just to balance out the extra weight of the armor plating, but they'd make it better.
He went on to explain that the problems in Pittsburgh had started earlier on than for most. There had been some shootings last year, and the National Guard had been called up to maintain order. As the country descended into anarchy from the pandemic and then the nuclear attacks, the already-in-place troops had assumed control of the city. Those that didn't like it had left. It was a harsh rule in the main part of the city, but Victor said it made him feel safe. "Yinz'd better stay out of trouble," he added. "And don't go into downtown after sundown. They'll shoot you on sight for sure."
Florida Man assured them that the gang would stay clean, and they had no intention of heading out of Pittsburgh to Daunton that night. They were hoping to find a few women and men to build up the gang, and then they expected to leave for Ohio. Victor told them to be careful in Ohio, he thought there were
some pretty strange people there.
This is really the only way cities are characterized in-game. These special events only happen the first time you enter the city, and are always the same for a given location on the map. Sometimes, like this one, they give you some really good benefits.
Needing to build up the numbers, the Gator Goons signed up some more members. Most of the city's residents seemed content to stay in the safety of their own town, but there were enough to be found ready to seek adventure.
They drove off straight past Youngstown and Warren, and instead stopped in the larger city of Cleveland. It was controlled by a local Ohio gang.
That evening, the first attack came. The Gator Goons fought off the small band of forces. Florida Man knew there would be more to come soon, however.
Harper Stevens wanted to leave, saying "these city walls ain't got no love", but Jack encouraged him to stay and build up. The core of the gang was pretty seasoned now, so even with fewer numbers they could live through a prolonged fight.
Further recruitment, however, did not produce good results. There was another encounter with one of the strange face-painted group. A couple of them asked if the Gator Goons were heading to Detroit, but in the end none of them signed up.
Cecile was curious to know why all these people were heading to Detroit, and suggested they should go find out. Florida Man figured they weren't seeing much luck in Cleveland, so they took off up the highway again. Stevens was relieved, saying he thought the next town would give them better luck.
In Toledo, they encountered another city where a loose hold on law and order was being held by the Ohio National Guard.
Stevens was pleased that they were able to operate in a safer environment for asking for more members. The Gator Goons were starting to look more like a formidable force again.
Even if they couldn't loot supplies there, Toledo would be a secure place to store them. Florida Man thought they didn't really need to conquer any more cities if they didn't have to; they just needed to be able to get around without being attacked all the time.
To Cecile's disappointment, they headed straight southwest. Florida Man promised her they'd be circling back through Detroit, and by then expected to be in better shape for whatever fights they might have to get into. He didn't trust those weird-looking folk.
Both Dayton and Cincinnati were found to be Reborner cities. Stevens thought it might be wise just to take one of them to secure a base in the region, but Florida Man overruled the idea, wanting to let them do what they wanted. He was feeling happy that the Invaders had not seemed to penetrate far into this region.
Jack had gone out early in the morning alone, and arrived back with a group of men who he said all wanted to see some action. According to them, the Cincinnati area had been quiet for weeks, with hardly even any road gang activity.
The Gator Goons spent another day around the two towns, staying more time in the quieter town of Dayton. There wasn't really much to be found there. The Reborners were busied with negotiating with the local farmers to keep the city supplied and the farms running that summer. They said the gang was welcome to take anything they had, but the gang found there wasn't all that much worth taking from them.
Not all was peaceful, it turned out, as more of the mutants arrived at the night and attacked the Gator Goons. One of the Reborner leaders suggested that the gang must have invited the attack, since the town had not had any problem with mutants before. "You live a life of violence, and they are drawn to your violence," he insisted.
Among the Reborners there was a group of doctors able to provide more medicine to counteract the virus. Dr. Balthazar nearly tried to convince them they should just give it away if the mutants never attacked them, but Jack convinced him it was only fair to compensate them with some of the gang's other medical supplies.
Not wishing to trouble the Reborners any further, the Gator Goons prepared to depart for Indiana that afternoon. Florida Man had pulled over the Gatormobile to relieve himself in an alleyway in Cleveland before heading out. As he was zipping up his pants, he heard a voice from the shadows mentioning something about the 'GUB' and a secret password. He wasn't sure if this was some Invader trick or a government spy or just some lost and crazed Reborner. Unsure of what to do and a little wondering if someone was going to be trailing him, he held up the gang for a little while before proceeding.
He wasn't sure of who he could trust. He told Jack he thought the gang's numbers were a bit low, and even if this state seemed comparatively peaceful, they shouldn't expect that to last. He'd feel safer with more people around to fight. He did not mention what had happened in the alley to anyone.
The next day brought a clear and warm summer day, and they made good time to Indianapolis, the next major city. As usual, scouts had been sent out around the city to figure out who had control of it. Florida Man had parked the rest of the gang at an abandoned golf course near the city limits. He was out for a walk on the greens when Cecile approached him.
She told him she had some concerns about the dune buggy. "It's fun to drive, you know, and I know in Pittsburgh they tried to fix it up better, but it's still a little... weak."
"Sure does look fun to drive. Hey, why not take it for a spin on the course here?" he asked.
"Yeah, but if we meet some more road gangs, I'm not sure how good it'll be. On or off the road."
"Like the Furies? We ain't had a problem with them. Those construction guys sure were tough, though."
"I just think it might not be the vehicle to fight from, you know."
Suddenly their talk was interrupted by a noise from the nearby trees. A curiously overdressed man in a rumpled heavy coat and hat was crouching in the bushes.
"Psst. You Gator Man? You know the G.U.B., Government Underground Biolab?"
"Uh, is that where they're hiding the aliens?"
The man gave a dark look. "Aliens? No..."
"Wait!" cried Florida Man. "That's what the crazy guy was talking about. Back in the last town."
"You know these people?" whispered Cecile.
"You met someone? An agent?" questioned the man in the trees. "So what's the password?"
"Ummm..." mumbled Florida Man.
Cecile nudged him. "Did they give you a password? They had to have. You met a secret agent?" she hissed excitedly.
Half out loud he said, "It was pan-sea?"
"Pansy?" she asked. "Or, oh wait, did they say panacea?"
"Yeah!" he cried, relieved. "Panacea" he almost shouted to the man.
"Shhh!" responded the agent. "Don't let everyone know!"
The man spoke again, quickly and quietly. "The G.U.B., it's in Tacoma. Head to Tacoma. The G.U.B. wants you."
Before they could answer the man ducked down again and darted off deeper into the trees. Cecile ran to where he'd been, but no trace of him could be found.
"Taco Mac? He say Taco Mac? I think that's up in Atlanta. Never been myself, but I got a friend who loved it," said Florida Man.
"No, he said Tacoma. I think it's a city. Somewhere in the US?"
"Oh, uh okay." Then his face got more serious. "Look, this top secret stuff? Don't tell anyone else. I don't know what's going on. Maybe these people are crazy. Maybe they know something. I think they're trying to trick us. But either way, let's keep it quiet, okay? Don't go blabbing to the others about it."
"Sure," she said. "It'd be pretty cool if these are real spies, though," she added, smiling brightly.
It was late evening by the time the scouts returned, and by then the Gator Goons had set up camp for the night. But once again, a wave of the hyper-aggressive 'mutants' appeared as the sun went down. Fortunately, they were not armed with weapons, and the goons dispatched them with only a few people lost in the initial attack. It was nonetheless getting to be annoying.
That day was spent stashing some supplies in the city and checking for reports on the roads and cities to the west. They heard vague reports to 'stay out of Illinois' but couldn't tell if that was anything real or just regional rivalry. On the positive side, several of the local gang members said they wanted to ride with the Gator Goons, especially when they heard that they were likely moving on to the northeast.
The second night in Indianapolis, another wave of mutants came. This time, over a dozen people were lost, and more became infected. Dr. Balthazar administered more rounds of the 'antitoxin' treatment, but complained that they really ought to get away before they used up all their best supplies.
Florida Man considered it might be wise to move on now. Maybe this was the secret horror of this part of the country? No Invaders, no big gangs, but mutants every night. Florida Man thought these twisted humans had been chasing them from out of the mountains of New York, but maybe they'd been actually moving toward more of them, not away. They were still decently strong, and had an okay amount of fuel, so he ordered the group to move out on the highway to the north.
They'd only just started their way out of the city when they spotted a group of cars on the highway approaching them at high speed. These weren't just the small cycles of the Furies, or the trundling bulldozers of the Hard Hats. These were some fast-looking and high-quality sports cars. It looked like the Gator Goons were in for a fight.
The Gatormobile was a little ways back from the rest of the cars, but quickly accelerated to join the pack. As the opposing gang grew nearer, Florida Man heard music playing. It sounded like some loud rock. He thought he could even make out the song. He heard the singer saying "...if you squeeze my lizard..." but that sounded too strange to him to be right.
The rival gang's cars were in sight now. One of them was a shiny red 1968 Shelby Mustang Convertible. It looked to be perfectly preserved and not a scratch on it. There was also another convertible, a black Chevy Camaro from the 1980s. It, too, was waxed and polished to a bright shine. This was the one that seemed to be playing the music. Further back, there was another black car, a hard-top this time. It was a sleek early 90s Trans Am. All of the cars were beautifully detailed, and all seemed to be coming at them as fast as possible.
Florida Man figured they'd be tougher than the Furies, maybe, but pretty easy to pick off. With the Gator Goons having a two-to-one advantage in vehicles - and a far greater advantage in guns - they'd make short work of these guys. Their behavior was a bit strange, though. Even with the few guns they had, they didn't look like they were trying hard to deal damage. They seem to mostly just rocking out to the music and firing off shots towards the Goons at random.
It was too late that he realized just what was happening. Avoiding the truck, the Camaro had skidded across the road in order to make a direct line toward the dune buggy and the Gatormobile. The music was blaring ever louder. Florida Man could hear the chorus now, "...killed by death...killed by death..." and the men on board the convertible were shouting along at full volume, their eyes wild with enthusiasm and bloodlust. As the Gatormobile slowed and twirled away, the dune buggy tried the same. But in order to get turned, it had to slam hard on the brakes and slow down, and had little room to maneuver with the truck still on one side, and wrecked cars on the shoulder on the other.
The other enemy cars, meanwhile, had decided to team up on the Freightliner. The Mustang swung out directly in front of it while the Trans Am shot around some wrecks toward its rear. Gunfire from the van took out two passengers in the Mustang, and shot nasty holes into its pristine side, but did nothing to deter the driver.
Seconds later, there was the sound of crunching glass and twisting steel as the Camaro plowed into the dune buggy. Both cars mashed together and twirled around in a solid wreck as parts - and blood - went flying in all directions. The music died and the battle seemed almost silent for a moment. None on board either vehicle had survived.
Cecile, who'd decided to give up on the dune buggy and had instead taken a position at the rear of the Mack, stared at the carnage, and then looked knowingly at Florida Man.
A half-second later, more sounds of violent destruction were coming from the other side of the highway. Over there, the Mustang had crashed into the Freightliner's tractor as it attempted to turn. The truck could still move, but it was a much more significant hit than one from a little motorcycle had been.
All the vehicles tried desperately to take out the driver of the last remaining car, but it was to no avail. It made an easy turn around and slammed into the rear trailer.
The Gator Goons had survived the battle, but it had come at a heavy price. They salvaged what fuel and medicine they could from the wrecks. After examining some of the destroyed enemy cars, they discovered the drivers had black leather with "Motorheads" written on them. Apparently that was the gang they had to worry about around here. They seemed a more credible threat than the Furies had been.
Out on the highway, they had little chance of finding a decent repair shop, or at least one with acceptable tools to use. Their only choice was to camp for the night, fix up whatever wheels they could, and then drive the limping truck all the way up to the next city.
They reached Flint, over a hundred miles away, late the next morning. The scouts reported back simply that this town was controlled by "The Mob". This time it was Jack who was confused. "A mob? Like an armed mob?"
"No, they mean like 'the mob'," said Florida Man. "Right?" he asked the two scouts. "You mean, the big mob."
They nodded in response. It seemed they'd been a little shaken up, since two of their friends had been nabbed when they had started poking around what seemed to be the organization's headquarters.
Jack had to get the full explanation from Harper Stevens, although neither of them could figure out just how an organized crime network could operate on a national level in these circumstances. Whoever it was, they both agreed that this little town wasn't worth fighting over. Florida Man, meanwhile, wasn't above trying to get new members any way he could, even if it meant moving in on the mafia's territory. Most of the new members weren't actually affiliated with the Flint gangsters; they were just locals trying to get attention from one of the bigger gangs. Some of them just wanted to get out of Flint.
It didn't take much nudging from Stevens to get Florida Man to head out of Flint as well. They needed fuel anyway, and there were rumors of an oil supply nearby, or maybe even an oilfield. The gang drove out to the countryside, and weren't too surprised to find someone ready to defend whatever oil reserves were available there.
What did come as a surprise, however, was just who was there waiting for them. The hard rocking music was blaring yet again. This time the riffs were strong and dirty as opposed to the squealing guitar of the last one they'd heard played. The cars were still fancy hot rods and just as well-maintained as any of the ones they'd seen before. One of them was a convertible Gran Torino with a shining chrome supercharger sticking through the hood. There was another convertible, an electric blue 1982 Corvette, and finally an AMC Javelin. They were a little out of their element in this grassy field, but they were revving their engines for a fight nonetheless.
Florida Man didn't want to lose any more vehicles if this was another group of suicidal speed demons. He ordered the gang to spread out, and keep their distance from both friendly and enemy cars, just to avoid any danger.
He was especially worried about the Freightliner. They hadn't found a place to repair it in Flint, and it could definitely not take another hit and be usable. It was staying well back from the battle.
The opposing cars stayed in a fairly tight formation to begin with. The music, coming from the Corvette, could be heard a little more clearly, with the car's occupants shouting along: "Way too fast, way too fast!"
Jack drove the Chevy van just within shooting range and then turned away. It ensured that he wouldn't be rammed in the slow-moving van, but the goons on board failed to knock out any targets.
Once the enemy gang spotted the Mack, however, they made for it with as much speed as they could muster on the unpaved dirt.
Gunfire from the truck and the van took out several passengers, but the cars continued to drive on. The driver on board the Corvette shouted along maniacally with the song, "I'm a speedfreak!"
In the Mack truck, Cecile and the others on board fired off all their guns and took out the Gran Torino just before it was about to hit. The truck driver barely managed to get the vehicle away without getting a scrape.
The full force of the truck's guns assaulted the Corvette not long after. The engine seized up and the car slowed to a stop with the driver slumped over the wheel. The music of the radio remained as the song headed into the guitar solo.
The Javelin was in hot pursuit of the Chevy van. Accurate gun fire out the rear eliminated the final threat. The Gator Goons had defeated the Motorheads before the speedsters had been able to touch them. It was a big relief to all.
A search of the enemy cars, however, didn't yield any big stores of gas; just what they'd needed for the fight. The field they were in had no storage tanks, and the oil pumps were all rusted and dry. Had the Motorheads just decided to come out for a joyride to death?
The Gator Goons had enough fuel to make it to Toledo, where they'd be safe, and they could even get to Detroit. But they were sure there was gas somewhere in this oilfield, or had it all been used up already?
This week's film:
Radioactive Dreams (1985)