LP Beach

Episode 27 - July 2007 featuring DiscountCleric and MizKriss

Turgid K. Pnurtis is hanging in there in the majors, but for how long? Can he actually earn a permanent spot in the Cubs bullpen? Can I ever select the correct pitch unaided?

Special thanks to MizKriss for the extra-lanky thumbnail. My version of lanky just looked normal next to the wide Flaccid Pnurtis version.

Episode 28 - August 2007 featuring habeasdorkus and MizKriss

Turgid K. Pnurtis is back from spending the holidays with the rest of the Pnurtis clones clan, and is ready for baseball! Or is he? I mean, it's not like simply spending time with Flaccid J. Pnurtis would somehow make failure rub off onto Turgid. That's simply impossible.

Episode 29 - April 2008 featuring habeasdorkus and MizKriss

Turgid K. Pnurtis would have earned so many achievements if he weren't in the minors.

Episode 30 - May 2008 featuring habeasdorkus and MizKriss

This is not Turgid's best outing.

Seems like training points are dependent on game performance (with some sort of cap on bonuses but less of a cap on penalties), but the goals are what really affect either how likely you are to get called up or how much the manager likes you (both of those might end up being the same internally to the game logic). I suppose getting enough training is necessary to succeed more often at the goals, but it really seems like the game wants to make it super hard to achieve anything.

Sure hope Turgid gets called up so you can get some actual achievements out of his career.

Episode 31 - June 2008 featuring Danaru, DiscountCleric, and MizKriss

For the first time in Turgid's career, and only the second time in the history of the thread, an achievement is unlocked. The recipe will come later today.

We got another achievement! Turgid K. Pnurtis, long after maxing out the velocity on his fastball, finally got a chance to throw said fastball in the majors. So it's time to throw some more heat, with...

Official Turgid K. Pnurtis Spicy Gingersnaps™


First, you want to finely chop about a third of a cup of candied/crystalized ginger. Put some oil on the blade of your knife to help keep it from sticking to the blade and gumming up. Set that aside for now.


In a separate bowl, combine 2 cups plus 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour (sorry I don't have the measurement by weight, I should probably do that), 1 and a half teaspoons of baking soda, half a teaspoon of salt, 2 teaspoons of ground ginger, one and a half teaspoons of ground cinnamon, and a quarter teaspoon of ground cloves. Whisk that together until homogenous. NOTE: If you want extra-spicy Spicy Gingersnaps, now would be the time to add things like black pepper, cayenne, etc. Personally I think that takes away from the ginger flavor, so I go with the candied ginger to amp up spice.


In a mixing bowl, cream together a stick and a half of unsalted butter with two thirds of a cup of white sugar. Then add your chopped candied ginger, a quarter cup of molasses, half a teaspoon of vanilla extract, and one large egg. Beat together until thoroughly combined.


Add the dry ingredients to your wet ingredients, and stir until the dry stuff just disappears. Now if you're making this at home, this is the point where you cover the dough and stick it in the fridge for at least an hour, or even overnight. I'm making this for a forum thread because I don't plan ahead, so I didn't do that. But I suffer for my misdeeds! Do as I say, not as I do!


Now get yourself a little prep station going. You want your dough, your parchment-lined cookie sheet, a plate with a decent amount of white sugar on it, and something with a flat, hard bottom. I'm using a ramekin.


Scoop out about a tablespoon of dough, roll it into a ball, and roll the ball around on the sugar until it's completely coated.


Place the ball onto the parchment paper, then use your flat-bottomed instrument of choice to press it down into a disc. Sprinkle some extra sugar on top.


Repeat until you have a tray full of cookies ready to go into the oven. Note the smear of dough near the bottom left cookie, because I didn't fucking fridge my cookie dough. FRIDGE YOUR DOUGH! Anyway, bake at 350F for 10-15 minutes, depending on how snappy you like your gingersnaps and how well your oven works.


Behold what my folly has wrought: cookies that all ran together and spread too thin, overbaking in the time I set based on refrigerated dough. Flavor was still good enough that I promptly ate half of these.

Now go, and savor the heat of Pnurtis's fastball!

Episode 32 - July 2008 featuring MizKriss

Poor MizKriss has to provide (basically) solo commentary as her beloved Cubs face the Mets.

So I guess we'll see, but it does kind of seem like there's a 'hump' for your player to get good enough for the training points to start racking up, at which point you're probably decent enough to stay in the Majors?

I also figure the logical counterpart to Solidus is of course Virgule/Virgil M Pnurtis. Or Plasmolysed Pnurtis, which maybe sounds better.

At the rate things are going, Turgid's going to last in the league (majors or minors) long enough for The Show '21 to be released, at which point Flaccid will make a "triumphant" return to the game.

Episode 33 - August 2008 featuring Miz Kriss

I can't believe I have to bake two things for one game. First one is coming tomorrow or Monday, the second sometime later this week. I'm gonna need to buy supplies (and practice one of them).

For striking out the side, today's recipe is something that might pass for something immaculate on a good day, but isn't.

Turgid K. Pnurtis Not-So-Immaculate Chocolate Lava Cake


First off, you want to butter and flour some ramekins for later. I'm terrible at this and always do either too much or too little, and this was on the 'too little' side because they struggled to release from the bottom. In the meantime, your oven should be preheating to 450F.

Also in the meantime, you should be melting half a cup of unsalted butter with six ounces of semi-sweet chocolate (about 50-60% cacao) in a double boiler or bain-marie. Also if you're trying to document this for a Let's Play thread, you should remember to take a picture of this step.


Whisk together 2 eggs and 2 egg yolks until they roughly double in volume and lighten in color. This might look frothy here, but keep going.


Better, but keep going!


Now we're talking. Whisk in 3 tablespoons of white sugar, one and a half tablespoons of brown sugar, a half teaspoon of salt, and one and a half teaspoons of vanilla extract. (This photo is after these additions.)


Fold the egg stuff into the chocolate stuff, then fold in about two tablespoons of flour. Another step I'm not good at. It's better to be streaky like this than to overmix at this stage, because you'll deflate the egg mixture and that's bad.


Pour the batter into your prepared ramekins (preferably without spilling like I did) and put them in the oven for 10-11 minutes. Err on the side of too little time than too much, because these are lava cakes and if you overbake them, you get no lava.

Also ignore the lower right one where I accidentally spilled extra flour into the batter. Don't do that.


This is probably as far as you ever want to take them. The top should be set with those cracks, but it should still be gooey inside. Again, ignore the bottom right, it didn't rise properly and that was a handling error, not a batter error. Batting error?

See, they can sorta look like soufflé and are sorta made like soufflé but are way more forgiving! So, not quite immaculate! Anyway, go around the edge with a knife to loosen them, and invert them onto a plate.


Optionally, if you made these not just for the internet but also for your mom's birthday this past weekend, dust with powdered sugar to make them look all fancy (and hide any ugliness from sticking to the bottom of the ramekin) and stick a birthday candle in there.

And there you have it, Not-So-Immaculate Chocolate Lava Cake! Enjoy!

Episode 34 - September 2008 featuring Danaru, habeasdorkus, and Miz Kriss

A Pnurtis is finally in the playoffs!

...in the minors...

That was a quality playoff collapse for the Corn Cubs.

Presumably your contract goals are tougher because they're also paying you more than twice as much? You're becoming a better player, so they ought to expect more of you.

Episode 35 - April 2009 featuring bunnyofdoom, Danaru, habeasdorkus, and Miz Kriss

There were audio issues in this recording session, and all I know is that it was because of one of my co-commentators. Rather than speculate, however, I'm just going to blame Danaru.

Episode 36 - May 2009 featuring bunnyofdoom, Danaru, habeasdorkus, and Miz Kriss

This is the same recording session with the messed up audio so apologies for that. Also I have more achievements than recorded recipes at this point, and I don't remember what achievements we even have, and don't know how to pair them up anymore. So apologies for that as well, but recipes will come eventually.

Episode 37 - June 2009 featuring bunnyofdoom, Danaru, habeasdorkus, and Miz Kriss

It's the last episode with the borked audio. Today we record a new session, hopefully, with no borked audio, hopefully.

Episode 38 - July 2009 featuring bunnyofdoom, HulkaMatt, Danaru, Miz Kriss, and The_Goog

It's a new recording session, and the audio doesn't sound like total garbage! Just the regular amount of garbage.

Episode 39 - August 2009 featuring bunnyofdoom, Mistywave, Danaru, Miz Kriss, and The_Goog

Astute viewers will note that in this episode, HulkaMatt has stepped away. Astute viewers will also note that I do not immediately give up multiple home runs to my opponents. Coincidence, or...?

Love the low-key reveal at the end that the Cubs are actually in the lead in the Wild Card race, and their primary rivals are actually the Brewers.

I've made the first two recipes so far. I really loved the Ginger ones - perfectly light unlike a lot of molasses-heavy snaps. Not sure if I'll make the lava cakes since I can't easily share them and I don't think they keep well.

The lava cake recipe is for 4 cakes (assuming you have the same size ramekins as I do). You can always scale it in half and then eat both cakes yourself.

Episode 40 - September 2009 featuring bunnyofdoom, Mistywave, HulkaMatt, Danaru, Miz Kriss, and The_Goog

I don't know what to say about this.

Episode 41 - April 2010 featuring bunnyofdoom, Mistywave, Danaru, Miz Kriss, and The_Goog

It's a new season but the same old Cubs.